I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
