I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
