go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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