Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
