I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
