my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
