I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
