Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
