So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
