You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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