i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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