Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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