dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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