Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
