i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dear god my vagina.
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