me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
