Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize