i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
