Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
