Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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