I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
