You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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