So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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