why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
