He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
