Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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