I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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