i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
