How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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