Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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