it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
