i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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