It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i came on her dog
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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