he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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