She's JV to your varsity
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
