never play flip cup with pint glasses
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
