YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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