I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
