i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
