hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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