our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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