I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
