my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
