did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize