The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
