Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize