i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
