WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
