It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
