my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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