She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
