I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i permit you to call me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
