i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
