how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
