I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
