Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
