She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize