tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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