So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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