Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize