That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
