we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
