ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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