I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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