When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You took a bar mat shot.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
