If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
