He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
