I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
