***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
