Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
