1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
