Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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