ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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