the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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