He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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