I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize