It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
