You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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