She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
