so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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