Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
