apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
