She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
