i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
