Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
