I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
