I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
