last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
